Lets all have a moment... Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have officially called it quits......

okay enough of that..Happy Turkey day tomorrow... While everyone is stuffing themselves with turkey i will be at work... its not a big deal im not thanksgiving feast person anyways.... but i wanna go shopping on friday but i cant cause i have to work.. so many sales.. i remember those days when i used to work at target, we call it black friday , people push each other, curse to get into the store first.. ahh i hated that...

watched Harry potter today with eden, he freakin fell asleep most of the time.. i dont fault him though cause he hasnt read the book and he just went cause its tradition that me and him go together.. The movie was good.. i really like that its kinda funnier than the last....I have tons of paper to write im to freakin lazy to write it and i have to start on my project but im still lazy arrrgghh i hate being like this...

time for a update on my life...

we had to bring my dad back to the hospital last sunday cause he had seizures he had to stay in the hospital for a week but he came home like last saturday so his been home for a week.. his doing okay.... still weak cause of his arithis but other than that his dialysis is helping him.. he has his appetite back so his eating good hopefully he will gain wieght.....

yesterday was my first day working in the ER at sutter general hospital.. dang my first day we had someone who tried to commit suicide by drinking himself to death because his gf broke up with him and he is a history teacher dang... and then my last hour of my shift i heard this girl yelled hella loud " I wanna see my daddy" her dad passed away... it was craziee cause she picked up the chair in the lobby and just through it cause she was so upset... all last night i was thinking i could have been that girl yelling and screaming.. its just scary.. i need to build a strong stomach seriously..if im going to survive in the ER which i think i would so please pray for me

anyways.. its the time of the year again when everything thing is happening at once meaning birthdays, anniversay ( 7th) and then christmas.. damn.. i already bought eden his bday gifts... im broke now.. i was gonna buy him pants but damn i didnt know that guys pants can be that freakin hard to look for.. anyways forget that i just bought him something and something... i dont know where we are going that day cause i got the day off but i need to be there for my dad..i dont know if my mom is gonna let me go anywhere.. i dont know my plans...

school is going.. im not proud of this semester cause ive missed so much and i dont have good grades.. hopefully ill just pass this semester and just get by.. not a big achiever as you can tell... thats about it

The most important man in my life right now needs my me and i dont know how to helpe  him. I would do everything on earth, i would move heaven and earth to take his pain away.. I would sacrifice my own happiness if i know that he is going to be okay.... The sad part is that i know that his not going to be okay. Whatever we as a family it wont matter because it is up to him to make the decision he wants in life because it is his body and his decision. Im so angry.. im so mad.. i wanna say more people in the world deserve this.. NOT HIM... Its not fair.. He hasnt hurt anyone.. How Dare this happen... I know that there are people out there who are more far worse than him but  i dont care.. I want him to be okay..everynight i see him in a coffin.. i wonder what my life would be like without him and I CANNOT...  im so mad that i take out my anger out on him.. and i know he doesnt want this also.. if he only took care of himself.. if he only just exercise or be active or eat healthy food.. Is he gonna see me graduate? is he gonna walk me down the aisle? is he going to be there for his grand children? I wanna shake him and say why didnt u take care of urself> when you were young its not fair that you asked us to take care of you.. but at the same time i wouldnt think of anyone i rather take care of u.. isnt it time for me to repay you back? is it time for me to take care of you ? Im angry.. Im furstrated.. I need a hug.. a kiss from him.. His my heart and my soul.. People say we look alike and I say HELL NO.. but inside i know we do.. I dont care because I am very proud of him.. Whatever I am doing for him and going to its not even going to come close what he has done for me.. I need him... WIthout HIM.. Im no ONE...